We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
being pregnant is like rehab
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
