my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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