Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
