just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
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He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
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