Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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