First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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