Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
