just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
