If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
