I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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