Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
