He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
