hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
