I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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