Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
