I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
