"it" just moved
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
