last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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