It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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