he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
