Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
