Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
