one two three fourrrrnication!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
