This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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