Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
