where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
