So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
