You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
