oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
