he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
