Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
