I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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