this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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