Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
