im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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