Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
