Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Too much gin, very little bucket
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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