Soap is not a condiment
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
