Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is it penis luge time yet?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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