If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
