I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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