I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
