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I could make wine with my vomit
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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