This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
