I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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