I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
