Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
