We're facebook friends in real life
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wear drunk well.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
