just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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