Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's like God shit irony all over that family
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
