Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
