went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
