Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
don't judge my taste in strippers
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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