My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
