BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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