um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
