So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
