I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
