You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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