i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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