Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
