Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
