Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
