be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
