in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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