Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
